Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Death and Taxes ... Sounds Like a Lateral Move

Sweet merciful Lord! I just filed my taxes for the year (yes, I'm one of those people), and I owe the IRS $1,000! The whole process just makes me shake with rage.

I think one of the more depressing things about filling out tax forms is that they ask you all the things you did in the previous year. Have I had any gambling winnings? Any income from farming? Fishing? Foreign investments? Looking back over 2007 in light of my tax forms, I realize I haven't done shit! Why don't I have any gambling winnings? Was I too lazy to do even some light farming this past year? I feel like I've accomplished very little. This year, I'm going to buy a casino boat and tend my rooftop garden as my ship trolls for fish down the Amazon River. Figure that one out, assholes!

Now, I know this is a common frustration, but it really does bother me that I have taxes taken out of my check all year, and then at the end of the year I still owe more! Obviously, this is because the government didn't account for any changes of income or circumstances when they were withholding stuff throughout the year. Still, there should be a box I can check to promise that I'm going nowhere in life, and nothing will change next year. "Look, it's all going to be the same shit this year. I've got no ambition. Just take what you need, and at the end of the year we can shake hands and go our separate ways."

George Harrison said it best in The Beatles' scathing commentary of taxation, "Here Comes the Sun." I quote, "Here comes the sun/Doo doo doo doo/Here comes the sun/And I said/It's all right." Wait. Maybe I'm thinking of the wrong song.

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