Judge Not

While urinating today, I suddenly realized that I have an incredibly wide stance. Larry Craig, we judged you too quickly.

Crabs!

The problem with protein bars is that you don't really get full. You just get tired of chewing. It's a lot like eating crab legs. Though the process of eating them may appear haphazard—nay, even barbaric—it actually requires a great deal of dexterity. Unfortunately, the reward for all your painstaking labor is a tiny amount of meat, succulent though it may be. You actually weary of eating before you get full. It's as though you were forced to solder miniscule components onto a circuit board, and were rewarded for each piece you attached with a single Cheez-It.